


Life Doesn't End

by Kat_is_a_kit_kat



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Drugs, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Smoking, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-10-23 07:05:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17678753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_is_a_kit_kat/pseuds/Kat_is_a_kit_kat
Summary: Connor Murphy tries to end his life.His attempt fails and he gets sent to a mental hospital.Meanwhile, his note changes Evan's life.Then Connor gets discharged and finds out about all the shit Evan has caused.





	1. Evan's Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> ok so basically i had this idea and idk i wanted to like
> 
> make it happen??
> 
> so basically the first 10 chapters are going to just be a retelling of Dear Evan Hansen
> 
> also go check out my other story called Forgiven because its like the only good story ive written lol
> 
> see you at the end

Evan Hansen was honestly tired of being alive.

He felt worthless to everyone. He felt like he didn't matter.

He didn't help that he barely had any friends.

Well, he had Jared, but Jared never really acted like he cared about Evan.

He felt as if nobody wanted to be around him. He felt like he was on the outside of whatever world everyone else was in.

It also didn't help that his mother was almost never around. He knew he couldn't blame her though, she worked hard and tried her best to provide a somewhat normal life for Evan, but he would be lying if he said that it didn't make him feel like his own mother didn't want to be around him.

He went to therapy, but despite Dr. Sherman’s best attempts, Evan still felt worthless.

He felt like a detriment to society, like nothing he did actually mattered.

And now here he was. On top of his favorite tree, at least forty feet, if not more, above the ground.

"Just walk forward and let go," He muttered to himself, taking what he hoped to be his final glance at the scenery around him.

The sun was setting, and around all the park was a crimson glow.

Evan took a deep breath, and walked off.

He felt himself starting to fall when his survival instinct kicked in. His arms instantly went up and grabbed the branch he had just walked off of.

Evan took a moment to process what had just happened. He looked up at the branch he was holding onto, then down at his dangling feet. He felt disappointed in himself, he had one task; to end his life, and he couldn't even do that properly.

He looked down at the ground one more time, he inhaled deeply, closed his eyes, and let go.

.

.

.

Thud. Evan's body hit the ground. He screamed out in pain. His left arm started throbbing intensely before going entirely numb. Evan knew immediately what this meant; he had broken his arm.

He cried harder upon realizing this, he would have to come up with some type of excuse for his mom.

Evan cried out for help. He just laid there, broken, alone, and terrified. He thought, that if maybe, he laid there long enough, someone would come find him. 

He laid there for a full hour, no one came.

Eventually, Evan realized he needed to get up and go home. The sun had set, and it was starting to get rather cold.

Slowly, Evan pulled his torso off the ground. He crawled over to the base of the tree he jumped off of and rested against it. His body was still really fucking sore from hitting the ground.

Evan gripped the trunk of the tree and pulled one of his legs off the ground, he slowly repeated the process with his other leg. Once he was finally on his feet, he swore he was going to pass out.

He felt extremely nauseous and light-headed, which were just more reasons to go home. 

And thus he began his walk. Every step he took hurt him more and more. Not only physically, but mentally. He was just so tired.

Evan yawned. He tried to move his left arm, but it was completely unresponsive, he sighed, knowing that it would probably cost a fortune for it to get fixed.

He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, why, why for once couldn't he just be normal?

.

.

.

Heidi was at home, sitting on the couch and working on a project she had for work. The thought of Evan crossed her mind and she started getting slightly worried, it was rather late, wasn't it? Where was Evan? 

She knew he was at the park, but what was taking him so long to come home? 

Heidi sighed as she took her laptop off her lap and set it down on the table. She stood up and walked over to the coat-hanger next to the door. She grabbed a coat and put it on. She was ready to head out when the front door burst open.

Heidi looked over to see her son standing in the doorway, with tears streaming down his face. 

"Mom?" Evan stuttered out, he looked absolutely exhausted.

"Evan!" Heidi rushed over and cupped her hands around Evan's face. "Oh Evan, honey, where have you been? I've been so worried,"

"I," Evan paused for a moment, "I was climbing a tree and I fell out of it, and broke," He paused again, several things running through his mind. He felt horrible for lying to his mother, but yet, he knew he couldn't tell her the truth. "Broke my arm,"

Heidi gave Evan a look of pure sympathy, "Oh honey, which one,"

"M-my left," Evan gesture to his arm. Heidi nodded and guided him inside. She helped him onto the couch and then went to dial the hospital.

Evan sighed, this was going to be a long year.


	2. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Evan or Connor wanted to go to school.
> 
> Neither of them enjoyed each other's presence, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so basically i suck
> 
> enjoy and i'll see you at the end

Evan Hansen did not want to attend his first day of senior year.

After an exhaustively long summer, where he had broken his arm, all he wanted to do was sleep.

He frowned as he opened up a new word document.

He had been assigned to write letters to himself as a way to improve his self-esteem. In all honesty, Evan didn't feel like the letters were doing anything.

"Dear Evan Hansen," He mumbled to himself. "Today is going to be an amazing day, and here's why," He stared at the mostly blank document for a second before going back to typing. "Because today all you have to do is just be yourself," Evan leaned back in his chair.

"But also be confident, that's important," He lifted his finger. "And interesting," Another finger. "Easy to talk to," A third finger. "Approachable," A fourth finger. He shook his head and set his hand down. "But mostly be yourself. That's the big," He shook his head again. "That's the number one, be yourself." He paused. "Be true to yourself," 

Evan looked at the mostly blank document and sighed upon realizing he hadn't been writing anything down. He pressed the enter key and moved on with his letter. 

"Also, please stop worrying about whether or not your hands will get sweaty, because they only get sweaty when you start thinking they're sweaty, and then they get really sweaty so just stop thinking about it," Evan pulled his hand away from the keyboard and wiped it on his shirt.

"It's totally not going to be like that one time you had the perfect opportunity to talk to Zoe Murphy, and you fucked it up because you thought you hands were sweaty, which they weren't until you started thinking they were, and then, like the genius you were, decided to blow-dry them off, which didn't take the sweat away, it just made your hands warmer. Because it's not gonna happen. No," Evan wiped both his hands on his shirt in an attempt to dry them off.

Knock knock.

Evan turned his laptop off and stood up. "Come in,"

"So, I guess you just decided to not eat last night?" Heidi held a laundry basket under her arm, she looked at Evan with an expression of concern.

"I, uh, wasn't hungry," He sat back down,

"Evan, you're a high school senior, you need to learn to order food if I'm at work. You can order almost everything online nowadays. Isn't that helpful, you won't have to use your phone!"

"Okay, it's not the ordering I'm afraid of, it's just the fact that they come to you, and then you have to give them change, and then there's just this silence as your both waiting to go home an-"

"Evan, honey, you're overreacting, it's not that bad," Evan turned his head away from Heidi. "Is it?"

Evan shrugged. 

"Oh honey, I wish I didn't have such a jammed schedule," Heidi sighed. "Do you have any dirty laundry?"

"Uh yeah, it's over there," Evan pointed to a pile of clothes in a corner.

Heidi sighed, and walked over and started picking them up. "Have you been writing those letters to yourself, you know, 'Dear Evan Hansen, this is gonna be a good day and here's why'," She stood up and looked at him.

"I started one,"

"Those letters are important, honey, like Dr. Sherman said, they're gonna help you build your confidence," Heidi thrust her fist into the air as an attempt to motivate Evan. She sighed when she realized it wasn't working and picked up the laundry basket. "Speaking of Dr. Sherman, you have an appointment with him this afternoon,"

"Wait," Evan turned to look at Heidi. "I thought I was scheduled to have an appointment with him next week,"

"I know that, I just thought that you maybe needed to see him a little sooner, that's all,"

Evan turned back around to his computer. "Great," He muttered.

"Look, I just don't want another year of you sitting at home alone, complaining to me that you have no friends,"

"Well, neither do I,"

Heidi sighed, "Hey, can we try to have an optimistic outlook, huh? Come on, buck up just enough to see your world is not falling apart. I thought we decided that this year, we were not gonna stop until we'd at least tried,"

Evan stood up and grabbed his bag, he headed for the door. "I gotta go, see you later,"

Heidi sighed, she just wished she could reach out to him. She eyed a sharpie on his desk, and an idea immediately popped into her head. "Hey," Evan stopped and turned around. Heidi grabbed the sharpie off his desk and handed it to him. "You know a good icebreaker would be to ask people to sign your cast, so how about that?"

Evan hesitantly took the sharpie and pocketed it. "Perfect,"

Heidi pulled Evan into a hug and kissed his forehead. "I'm proud of you already,"

"Oh, great," Evan pulled away from the hug.

"Hey, do you need me to drive you to school?"

"I can walk,"

"Well, walking can be heinous, take the bus or something easier,"

"I can walk," Evan ignored what Heidi said.

And with that, Evan walked out of the house. Heidi looked at the window and saw her son's silhouette disappear down the sidewalk.

She picked up the laundry basket and headed downstairs. 

It's not that Heidi wanted to ignore Evan's problems, or reject them entirely, it was just the fact that she didn't have the time to properly help him. She was trying to finish her degree and was also working as an assistant nurse at their local hospital, she didn't have time for Evan. But deep down, Heidi yearned to spend all her time with Evan. She just wanted him to be happy.

. . .

Knock knock

"What do you want?" Connor barked at the person knocking on his door.

"Connor, it's the first day, if you don't hurry up you're going to be late,"

"Fuck off, I said I wasn't going,"

Cynthia sighed, "Can you at least come downstairs and eat breakfast? Please?"

Connor sighed as he heard footsteps walking away. He pulled himself to his feet and stood up. It had been another sleepless night. A night of Connor just laying in bed, letting his thoughts consume every inch of his waking being. If that wasn't miserable enough, now he was being forced to go to school. The one place he hated more than his own house.

He lazily put on a pair of pants, a black shirt, and his favorite grey hoodie. He opened his bedroom door and winced at the light coming from the hallway. He sighed and slowly made his way downstairs.

He took a seat at the table and watched as Cynthia placed a plate of food in front of him. She proceeded to take her spot at the table next to Larry.

Connor took maybe one bite of bacon and then proceeded to just poke at his food.

Cynthia sighed, "Connor, you are not missing your first day,"

"I'll just go tomorrow then, look, I am trying to make a fucking compromise here,"

Cynthia peered at Larry, who was reading a newspaper. "You maybe wanna jump in here, Larry?"

Larry didn't even bother to look up from whatever he was reading. "You're going to school, Connor,"

"Why?"

"That's really all you're going to say, Larry? Really?"

Larry still didn't look up, "What do you want me to say? He doesn't listen, he most likely stoned,"

"He's definitely stoned," Zoe interjected.

"Fuck you," Connor sneered.

"Fuck you," Zoe didn't bother to look up, she was used to this type of thing.

"Zoe, honey, that's not very constructive,"

Zoe looked at Cynthia with a horrified expression, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"And Connor, you're not high, right?" Cynthia gave an awkward smile.

Connor didn't say anything, he continued to poke at his food.

"Connor," Cynthia stood up and put her hand on his shoulder. "I thought we talked about this, I don't want you going to school high!"

"Perfect," Connor shoved Cynthia's arm off of him and stood up. "Then I won't go, thanks mom!" And he walked off to his room.

Cynthia stood there, stunned. Zoe eyed her for a moment before turning her attention back to her bowl of cereal.

Larry placed his paper down and stood up. "I've got to get going, the Interstate is probably already jammed by now," 

Zoe sighed and attempted to pour more milk into her cereal. The carton was empty. "Connor finished the milk again," 

Larry gave Cynthia a quick peck on the check and proceeded to leave.

Zoe stood up and grabbed her bag. "If Connor's not ready, I'm leaving without him,"

Cynthia paid no mind to Zoe, she simply sighed and poured herself another cup of coffee. Zoe proceeded to walk out.

A couple minutes later, Connor walked out as well. 

Cynthia just collapsed into the chair. She just wanted her family to be happy.

. . .

"So, Evan, how was your summer?"

Evan looked up from his phone to see no one other than Alana Beck, smiling widely at him. "Oh uh, it was fin-"

"Mine was very productive. I did 3 internships and over 90 hours of community service. I know," She beamed. "Wow!"

"Yeah, that's definitely impressive," Evan looked down at his cast.

"And I made some great friends. Well, they're not really friends, but more like acquaintances,"

Evan remembered his mother's words and decided to try to break the ice. "Would you maybe like to, uh, sign my cast?" He reached for the sharpie he had placed in his back pocket.

Alana's eyes widened upon seeing Evan's cast. "Oh my God!" She yelled. "What happened to your arm?"

"Oh, I, uh," There was a brief pause. "I broke climbing a tree,"

Alana pursed her lips, "Oh really? You know, my grandmother broke her hip after falling into a bathtub over the summer. It was the beginning of the end, the doctors said, because she died right after,"

Evan froze, he had no idea how to handle this conversation. "Oh, uh,"

"Well," Alana beamed at him. "Have a great first day," She proceeded to walk off.

Evan stood there, dumbfounded for a couple more moments before walking inside. 

He headed over to his locker and opened it, grabbing a few necessary supplies for the day. He just barely managed to see Jared walking over to him from the corner of his eye.

"Is it weird to be considered the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much, or do you consider that an honor?" Jared giggled.

Evan sighed and shut his locker. "That's not what happened, Jared,"

"Here, I'll paint the picture: you're in your room, you've got Zoe Murphy's Instagram up on your weird off-brand cellphon-"

Evan blushed furiously, he quickly covered Jared's mouth. "That's not what happened, okay?" He removed his hands.

"Okay," Jared raised an eyebrow. "What did happen?"

"I uh, fell out of a tree,"

Jared burst out laughing. "You fell out of tree? What are you, like, an acorn?"

"Well, I kinda was, you see, I worked as a apprentice park ranger at Ellison State Park, so I'm sort of a tree expert, not to brag," Evan smiled. Jared stared him down.

At the end of the hallway, Connor asserted his dominance. Practically everybody knew not to fuck with him. He seemed to be having an intense staring contest with the floor. He stopped by his locker, which happened to only be a couple of lockers down from where Evan's locker was.

"Anyhow, uh, I tried to climb this forty-foot tall oak tree and,"

"And you fell?" Jared cut him off.

"Well, it gets funnier because after I fell, I just laid there on the ground for a solid hour, just waiting for somebody to come for me. And I kept thinking, 'Any second now, someone's gonna come,'"

"Well, did they?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"No, that's the funny part," Evan gave an awkward grin.

Jared chuckled. "Jesus Christ,"

"Um, how was your summer?"

"Well," Jared smirked. "My bunk absolutely dominated in capture the flag and I got second-base-below-the-bra with this girl from Israel who's going to like, be in the army, so I think that answers your question," Evan nodded and the two of them stood in uncomfortable silence.

Jared was starting to walk away along with other students when Evan stopped him. "Do you want to sign my cast?"

Jared smirked. "Me?"

Evan reached for the sharpie in his pocket. "Well, yeah, I mean, we're like, friends?"

Jared chuckled. "We're family friends, that's a whole different thing and you know it." He wrapped an arm around Evan and patted his chest. "Hey, tell your mom to tell my mom that I was nice to you, or they won't pay my car insurance,"

Connor slammed his locker shut. Jared turned to face him. "Hey, Connor, loving the new hair length," Jared made motions to his own hair. "Very school shooter chic," 

Evan's eyes widened upon hearing Jared's insult, yet he remained silent. Connor just glared at Jared "Okay, calm down there bud, it was just a jok-"

"Yeah no, it was very fucking funny. I'm laughing, can't you tell, am I not laughing hard enough for you?" Evan winced. Connor was pissed.

Jared shook his head and walked away. "God, you're such a fucking freak,"

With Jared out of his eyesight, Connor turned his attention to Evan. There was no else in the hallway, only them.

Evan felt his anxiety rising, he didn't know what to do next so he just laughed softly.

"What are you laughing at?"

Evan froze, his laughter ceased instantly. "What?"

Connor's expression seemed to gain even more anger. "Stop fucking laughing at me!"

"I-I'm not, I swear,"

Connor took a step towards Evan. "You think I'm a freak?"

Evan shook his head. "N-no, I don't,"

Connor took another step towards Evan, slowly closing the distance more and more. Evan felt like he couldn't breathe, his anxiety was getting so bad. "I'm not the freak,"

"But I wasn't-"

"You're the fucking freak!" Connor lunged toward Evan and shoved him harshly into the ground. 

Evan felt like he absolutely couldn't breathe. His chest was so tight and the harsh impact on the ground didn't help anything. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He waited until he couldn't hear Connor's footsteps before he tried to stand up. 

It took him a couple of minutes to stand, with all his entire frame shaking, it wasn't the easiest task to get to his feet. 

When he finally did get to his feet, he burst out crying. He put a shaky hand over his mouth in a futile effort to mute his sobs. He quickly ran to the bathroom and collapsed on the floor, letting his sobs get as loud as they could.

It took several minutes. Several painfully long moments of being emotionally vulnerable for Evan's tears to finally stop. After a few more moments of laying on the ground, Evan finally stood up. He walked over to the sink and splashed some water on his face. He was drying his face when he heard the bell ring. He inhaled sharply, and headed back into society.

He was about to head into his next class when he heard somebody call his name. "Hey! Evan!"

He turned around to see Zoe Murphy running towards him. "Oh, hey," He felt his hands getting sweaty.

"Hey, I'm sorry about my brother, I saw him push you. He's a psychopath," She sighed. "You're Evan, right?"

"Evan?" He muttered his own name, his palms getting more and more sweaty with every second.

Zoe gave him a confused stare. "That's your name, right?"

Evan shook his head. "Yeah, Evan, that's me, I'm sorry,"

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because you said Evan and than I repeated it, and that is just," He inhaled sharply, as he knew he was fucking this up. "That is just so annoying,"

Zoe gave him a warm smile and stuck out her hand. "I'm Zoe,"

Evan looked at his sweaty hand and quickly rubbed it on his shirt. When he went to shake her hand, it was too late, as she had already pulled away.

"I know,"

"You know?" Zoe raised an eyebrow.

Evan blushed. "No, it's just, I've seen you play guitar in jazz band. I love jazz band. I love jazz. Well," Evan scratched the back of neck out of pure anxiety. "Not all jazz, but definitely jazz band jazz. Oh My God, that's so weird, I'm sorry,"

Zoe giggled. "You sure do apologize a lot,"

"I'm sor-" Evan caught himself. "I mean, you know what I mean,"

Zoe turned to walk away from him. "Well, it was nice meeting you, sorry about my brother again,"

Evan analyzed his cast momentarily and decided to take a leap of faith. "You don't want to sign my cast?"

Zoe turned back around. "I'm sorry, what?"

Evan looked up at her. "What? What did you say?"

Zoe's expression morphed into confusion. "I didn't say anything?" I thought you said something?"

"No way," Evan gave her an awkward grin. "Jose,"

Zoe gave him an awkward grin back. "Um, okay, Jose," She walked off.

Evan sighed, why was the first day always a nightmare.

. . .

Connor finally let go of his breathe as the bell rang, ending his final class. He shoved his way out of the classroom and analyzed the halls. He needed to find that Evan kid. He scanned the halls and saw Evan slipping into the computer lab. He quickly followed suit.

Evan sighed as he typed out his letter.

"Dear Evan Hansen," He quietly muttered. "Today was not an amazing day whatsoever. And if today wasn't good, what does that say about tomorrow? Or this week? Or this year? It says that it's not going to be amazing because why would it be?" Evan sighed and looked at his blank cast.

Connor had finally reached the computer lab. He leaned on the opened door frame as he watched Evan type.

"Well, there's one way this year could be good, and that's because there's Zoe. All my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who, I don't even know that well. Maybe, if I could just talk to her, things could be different. Who am I kidding? Nothing would be different. I just want everything to be different. I want to be a part of something instead of being an outcast. I mean, would anybody cared if I just disappeared?" Evan sighed once again. "Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, me,"

Evan pressed the print button on the keyboard and stood up. Connor decided this would be the best moment to make his presence know.

"So," Evan jumped upon hearing Connor. He turned around almost immediately. "Uh, what happened to your arm?" Connor pointed at Evan's cast.

"Oh, um, I, I uh, fell out of a tree," Connor snorted upon hearing this. 

"You fell out of a tree?" Connor walked closer to Evan. He started chuckling. "Well, if that isn't the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard,"

Evan faked a laugh. "Yeah, I know,"

"Hey so, I'm sorry for shoving you earlier,"

"Oh," Evan looked back to his cast. "It's fine, honestly,"

"No, it's not," Connor noticed how Evan's cast was blank. "Hey, how about I make it up to you by signing your cast?"

Evan's heart rate increased upon hearing this. "Oh, you don't have to,"

"Yeah, but I want to, you got a sharpie?"

Evan nodded and handed Connor the sharpie in his pocket. Connor roughly grabbed Evan's arm and started signing his name in giant, bold letters. Evan didn't know what he winced harder at; how hard Connor grabbed his arm, or how big Connor was signing his name.

Evan analyzed his cast. He was so not okay with Connor making his name as large as he did. "Oh, great, thanks,"

"Now we can both pretend we have friends," Connor handed the sharpie back to Evan. There was a brief moment of silence between them. "Hey, so, what were you typing earlier?"

"Oh, um, it was nothing important, just an assignment,"

"Huh, did you print it out?" Evan slowly nodded. "I'll get it for you," Evan's panic rose by a tenfold upon hearing this. What if Connor read the letter? I mean, Evan had basically put down that he was in love with his sister. How was he going to react to that?

"You don't have to," Evan muttered as an attempt to stop Connor, but it was already too late, as Connor was by the printers, reading the piece of paper. He angrily stomped back towards Evan.

"What the fuck does this mean?" The paper was forming creases in it from how tightly Connor was holding it. "'Because there's Zoe'?" Connor's expression shifted into one of pure rage. "This is about my sister,"

"No, no, no,"

"You knew I would find this," Connor clenched the paper tighter.

"What?" Evan felt his chest begin to tighten again.

"You saw that I was the only person in here, and so you wrote this, and printed it out so I would find it,"

"Why on Earth would I do that?"

"So I would read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right? And then you could tell everyone that I'm crazy, right?"

"No, wait, what?"

"Fuck you," 

And with that, Connor stormed out of the computer lab, taking Evan's note with him. Leaving behind a broken Evan Hansen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i'm actually really happy with how this chapter turned out.
> 
> i changed the interaction with evan and connor because i felt like i wanted connor to actually feel bad for shoving evan so thats why thats changed
> 
> ill try to get these out faster, i just have a very jam-packed schedule rn
> 
> thank you for reading and have a wonderful day/night!


	3. Connor's Attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor Murphy is done with life.
> 
> So done, that he tries to end his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, because i kinda want them to correlate, i renamed chapter one from Attempt to Evan's Attempt because i just wanted there to be that cool 3d feeling to these chapter titles lol
> 
> enjoy this chapter, it took waaaay too long to come out lol

Connor Murphy was done with life.

He was done with being called, 'the freak'. He was done being a monster, a monster everyone hid from, yet nobody was afraid of.

He was tired of being alone, lost eternally in his thoughts, never seeming to find his way out the darkness.

He wished he had someone to share his pain with, yet no one wanted to even come close to him.

There was a time, a time when he could've relied on Zoe, could've told her anything and everything, but he knew that those times had come and gone, and that there was no use trying to go back into the past. No point in fixing mistakes.

He just wanted to be normal. To fit in. Not even be liked or cool, but to just exist without having his thoughts plague him everywhere he went.

Damn it. He even thought he could trust Evan, but no. Nobody cared about Connor. No one.

Connor slammed the front door of his house open. He could just hear his father groaning at the fact that his son was home. He could just hear his mother sighing at the hopelessness of her son's case. He could just hear the slight annoyance Zoe would add to her voice while talking to someone when she realized Connor was home.

He was done hearing how they hated him.

If they bothered to listen like he did, they would hear that this was going to be his last time in the Murphy household again.

Tears brimming the edges of his eyes, Connor raced upstairs. He quickly darted into his parent's bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet. He quickly scanned the two shelves in the cabinet and found what he was looking for; sleeping pills.

This were no regular sleeping pills, either. They were heavy duty, the kind to put one out almost immediately. Extremely deadly if one were to overdose on them.

As to why Connor's parents had such intense medication literally in their bathroom; there was a fairly simple reason. Larry had severe insomnia.

Larry's insomnia started off normal, just your usual sleep deprivation and morning tiredness, but it quickly grew to something more. In the span of just a few weeks, Larry would go days without sleeping. It became so unhealthy that they picked up medication for it.

Connor grabbed the pills and headed downstairs to his kitchen. He grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water. He quickly poured out maybe 20 pills and took them with the water. He proceeded to slip the pills into his hoodie pocket and throw the glass into the sink. The glass let out a nasty noise as it broke against the metal sink.

"Connor!" He heard his mom shout from the living room.

He ignored her and walked out of the house. Leaving behind his yelling mother. Leaving behind his ignorant dad. Leaving behind the pain of the past.

. . .

Despite the fact that Connor looked like he never went outside, given his rather pale complexion, he actually really enjoyed going to the park. The park was just one of those places where Connor actually felt free. Where he wasn't chained back by his mind.

Of course, he wasn't coming here today to be free, he was coming here today to die.

Upon entering the park Connor felt extremely dizzy. The pills were already taking effect. Connor just kept walking. He kept walking, letting his thoughts flow through him.

Connor kept walking for a few more minutes before he passed out in front of an oak tree.

The authorities found his body a few hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this was hard to write
> 
> also to clarify, "leaving behind his ignorant dad" is not the way i view Larry at all, seeing as the chapter was shot from Connor's perspective i thought it fit and all that.
> 
> also please dont kill yourself i love you goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> ok so basically i read the entire script of deh while writing this and lemme tell you right now, while im trying my best to be canonical, im gonna change a couple events around so i can have more character development or whatever
> 
> this took way to long to write for like less than a thousand words
> 
> Forgiven chapter 9 comes out tomorrow btw
> 
> Thanks for reading, have a lovely day/night!


End file.
